Even After Everything
by Lif61
Summary: Ruby's life is put in danger when Sam calls her while she's trying to get information about Lilith. She goes to him afterwards, doing what she can to take care of him after nearly dying from the forced detox.


**A/N: I had started writing this for SPN Hiatus Creations, but then it got more shippy and explicit than I had originally intended, so I went with something else instead. While this does start out with Ruby and some random demon, it does turn into a Sam x Ruby story. I tried to show different parts of her in this, which includes her relationship with Sam, including how she loves him even though she abuses him.**

 **WARNINGS: Dub-con, torture, mention of infant death, abuse, explicit sex.**

* * *

It was difficult for Ruby to leave Sam behind. When she had the time, when she wasn't manipulating other demons, or torturing them, or trading in favors to get intel on Lucifer and the sixty-six Seals, she listened to the messages he left on her phone. With each message his voice grew more worried, more desperate.

More sick.

And Ruby was the cause of it.

Some days it made her feel pride. Other days it made her feel as rotten inside as she knew she was.

But she couldn't pick up when he called, even though she desperately wanted to. It was always something that stole her attention, and for a time she had tried keeping her phone in her motel room when she went out. That brought an emptiness to her, a sense of anticipation, an itch she couldn't scratch.

She had her phone out now, resting on the bar table in one of the few places it wasn't sticky with spilled drinks, as she talked with a demon who had information about Lilith.

She didn't just know where Lilith was going to be, she knew what Lilith was.

That was what Ruby had heard at least, but Anna wasn't giving her anything.

Ruby was darkly amused that her name was Anna. She wasn't at all like that defiant, red-headed angel she'd had to deal with a few months earlier. She was shorter, and she followed orders. But she did find wiggle room within the orders she was given. Anna knew how to have a good time - what constituted as a good time for a demon.

Ruby's phone began to ring, and there was a tugging sensation in her chest even before she looked at the number and saw it was Sam's.

"Do you need to get that?" Anna asked, sweet voice holding a tinge of annoyance.

She couldn't tear her gaze away from her phone, just wanted it to stop ringing. She could picture Sam on the other end, pacing, running a hand through his hair, eyes red-rimmed from withdrawal.

It hurt knowing that he was craving demon blood and wasn't getting any. Ruby hadn't started the dark path he'd been set on at six months old, but she certainly helped.

She had to.

For Lucifer.

And though she'd never met Lucifer, she loved him.

Just as she loved Sam.

She had tried denying it, but it was true.

The darkened part of her hated that.

The darkened part of her enjoyed his pain, enjoyed his need for her, found his desperation simply erotic.

She wanted to pick up.

Oh, how she wanted to pick up.

And she wanted to throw her stupid phone against a wall.

She turned away from it, answering, "No. No, it's no one."

Ruby didn't kid herself, didn't try assuring herself Sam would be fine.

He wouldn't be fine.

He wasn't fine.

That was the whole point.

Give him more than he needed, all the blood, all the sex, he could want at the moment, and then some. And then leave him, wait till he couldn't stand it anymore before coming back. Sam might have been the dominant one in bed, but he was the one dancing to Ruby's tune.

"You sure? You keep glancing at your phone. I'm not keeping you from anything important, am I?"

Something dangerous flashed in Anna's eyes, telling her that she had better do all she could to not annoy her, or else she'd sorely regret it.

"As far as I'm concerned," Ruby began, meeting her gaze evenly, "you're the most important thing I have at the moment."

"Someone's laying it on thick," she said before downing a shot of whiskey.

Trying to stay calm, to pretend she was, Ruby took a swig of her cheap beer. She liked cheap beer. There was something so wonderfully pathetic and gritty about the sour taste.

"Sure," she agreed. "But I need you. You know that. Why pretend this is anything else?"

"Hmm. Straightforward," she commented, dark eyes glistening. "I like you."

"Good. Don't wanna be in this crappy town for nothing."

It really was a crappy town, nestled in the mountains of northern California, all the buildings run down, the roads that were paved cracked and beaten.

Anna shrugged. "I like it here. It's so easy to get small town folk riled up."

"Yeah?"

"Seriously, you kill one baby and hang it from the church steeple and everyone shits their pants."

The bartender, a fat, aging man with only a few wisps of dark gray hair seemed to overhear, gulping in fear, fingers shaking.

Anna's eyes turned black, and she smirked at Ruby before turning to the man and snarling, "What are you looking at, pig?" He cowered behind the counter, and Anna laughed, a harsh sound that Ruby liked. She caressed her cheek now, fingers soft, and warm. "Come on, sugar, let's get out of here. I have a few ideas as to how you can pay me."

"I want the information first," she snapped, not wanting to make a deal only to be tricked.

"Oh, so the slave girl thinks she can make demands?"

Ruby's cheeks colored, but she didn't hang her head. So Anna knew how she'd spent some of her time in Hell. Even after becoming a demon her master had still kept her for a few centuries.

Her thumb brushed over Ruby's lower lip now, and she told her, tone breathy, "I don't want to hear another word out of you. I want your mouth for something else."

And Ruby didn't try to get out of this arrangement. She needed that information.

Anna didn't give a damn about what Ruby felt. It was all one-sided. And she yearned for Sam as she did what she had to, Anna crying out above her, legs tensing on either side of her head.

Sam would make her feel good. He knew how to, he enjoyed doing so. Sam might've been aggressive and full of need when he was with her, but he got off to her pleasure. She knew with him it wasn't a power thing. Even with the demon blood he was too good for that. Some part of her told her he loved her.

When Ruby's phone started ringing again, her fingers twitched against the bare skin of Anna's hips, wanting to reach out for it.

Anna noticed and pinned her wrists above her head.

"No. Focus on me, bitch."

The phone kept ringing.

And ringing.

And ringing.

 _Sam._

"You haven't worked hard enough."

Silence, and then it was ringing again. Anna lowered herself down her body with a furious cry, and Ruby resisted the urge to wipe her mouth.

Her hands were on Ruby now, digging through her jeans. One hand squeezed her ass, the other finding her phone in her right back pocket.

She held it to her face, the number clearly Sam's.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"No one."

"Sure, 'cause no one can annoy the hell out of me. Who is it?!"

When Ruby didn't answer she slapped her.

"Is it a pissy little boyfriend? A girlfriend?"

Another slap, both cheeks stinging now.

Ringing.

Ringing.

" _Who?_ "

"It's Sam Winchester!" Ruby shouted, voice heavy with anger.

She couldn't believe Anna had the nerve to slap her around. _Her._ The demon who was the only one working hard after Azazel's death to have Lucifer walk the Earth.

Anna let out a surprised laugh, then looked at the phone which had now gone silent.

"Maybe I should call him back," she taunted. "Let him know what a good little slut you are. I'd let you say hi, but, well, I think you need your tongue to talk."

Anna grabbed for her jaw, trying to pry her mouth open, and she dropped the phone to the bed.

"A shame, really. You're so good with it."

Ruby whined, grabbing at Anna's wrists to keep her hands away. She shoved her off of her, and she fell to the floor. Ruby went after her, grabbing the demon-killing knife from her boot. She straddled her, pressing cold metal against her throat.

"Give me the information!" she cried, hoping she sounded more commanding and dangerous than worried.

This had all turned around on her. Thanks to her stupid phone. Thanks to Sam.

Part of her was mad at him, but the rest of her really wanted him here, arms wrapped around her, mouth against the back of her neck, as she killed the demon beneath her.

Anna laughed, and now Ruby really hated the sound.

"Like a little knife is gonna get me to talk."

She spit in Ruby's face, and Ruby grit her teeth, feeling a delicious rush flow through her as she brought the knife lower to slice into Anna just beneath her bare breasts.

Hot blood flowed and she screamed.

With the knife at her neck again, Ruby ordered, "Information. Now."

Anna tried getting the upper hand once more, saying, "You know, it makes me all wet when pretty girls like you take charge like this. Maybe after you're done with this little game you can get me off like you promised."

"Oh, sweetie," Ruby began, "I'm not playing a game."

She dug her hand into the cut in Anna's abdomen and started tearing.

Anna screamed and struggled beneath her, but the motel was empty. No one was around to hear her screams.

"She's the last Seal!" she cried out.

Ruby didn't stop tearing, now focused on seeing if she could rip off a piece of her skin.

"Lilith. She's the last Seal!"

Ruby stopped ripping at her and then brought her lips close to her shuddering ones, making it seem like she was going to kiss her.

"I knew you'd come around."

She slit her throat, enjoying the way the blood splattered on her.

* * *

In a few hours she was with Sam, the sky as dark as she felt. He looked like shit, and his explanation as to why nearly broke her heart. Dean would pay for nearly killing him with an attempt at a detox, but later. Sam needed her.

Each word they shared was laced with tension, so full of it that Ruby wasn't at all surprised when Sam threw her onto the bed. His strong hands roamed her body before he found the knife, and then he had her blood.

Ruby always got turned on when he drank from her, pelvis hot with want. He'd usually fuck her afterwards, so now the expectation that had been ingrained in her aroused her as much as his hunger did.

Once he was sated he was full of a different kind of hunger, so deliciously thick with it that Ruby felt light-headed as he bared her below the waist. He'd sadly wiped his mouth off before getting to this part - Ruby thought he was sexy with her blood on his lips.

That still-hungry mouth was on her now, in between her legs. Sam would usually tease her, hands, lips, and tongue running all over her ass, thighs, and hips, but neither of them had it in them. Sam needed Ruby, and Ruby needed Sam.

Oh, how she'd missed him.

He was good at this, just as good as she was. As he sucked on her clit, tongue lapping over her, Ruby tossed her head back, letting out a strangled moan. Her hands were in his hair, pulling, tugging, needing more of him.

It was amazing that he didn't hate her. He probably saw her as a savior, a beautiful light to lead him out of the darkness. And she made sure she blinded him, keeping him from seeing that she was only leading him deeper into that darkness.

But Ruby didn't want to think about that now, only wanted to think of the large hands that held her legs open, making her feel so incredibly small. She only wanted to think of his soft hair in her fingers, of the tongue and lips working so fervently at the most sensitive part of her body.

Sam didn't release her, clit still trapped between his lips as she came, sensation burning through her. She bucked against him, felt her walls desperately clenching around nothing, yearning, yearning to be so full of him it hurt. But Sam was refusing to let up, to give her what she wanted, because he wasn't done getting what he wanted, and Ruby loved it.

She couldn't tell if he wanted the taste of her, if he wanted her to climax, if he just wanted to make her so desperate she was willing to do anything to get him. Ruby supposed it didn't matter because it all felt so good.

A whine left her, body over-sensitive, Sam's tongue expertly tasting her now, and she dared to meet his eyes. He stared up at her, gaze so full of want it nearly looked predatory. He enjoyed taking her blood, so maybe it was predatory. When Ruby started shuddering, legs trembling in his large hands, he moved his mouth lower, tongue licking into her, where she was filled with heat. Sam moaned, making Ruby do the same, and she panted, still not looking away from him.

He let go of her right leg, only to grab her wrist, removing her hand from his hair, and placing it on her own leg, a sign to hold it up for him. She did so, stretching it back even further, making herself more vulnerable. With his hand now free he ran a hand up her taut stomach underneath her black tank top. Up, up, nearly to her breasts, body heaving, and then back down again.

Ruby arched into him, and he pulled his mouth away from her, licking his lips. He slowly positioned himself over her, eyes roaming her body as he did so, hand against her pelvis, teasing, making her throb. His mouth was near hers now, open, wanting. Ruby caressed him, desperately reached up to kiss him, but he pulled back, teasing her further. And his hand finally went lower, fingers running through her folds. He rubbed them over her clit then down to her slick opening and back up again. He continued to do that, Ruby resting her head back and letting out a shaky breath.

Sam was positioned in a way that made it so she couldn't lower her leg even if she wanted to, so as she canted her hips upwards in time with how he pleasured her, she set to unbuttoning his shirt.

Her action seemed to make the fire within Sam blaze, his cock twitching against her through his jeans, and then he was undressing himself, tossing his shirt aside, before he did the same with his pants, leaving himself only in his white undershirt. He climbed onto the bed now, wrapped his arms around her, hoisted her up, and she cried out in surprise, instantly grabbing hold of him, legs around his muscled body. She let out a low moan when he was on his knees and he was lowering her onto him. Somewhere in her head she considered pausing to have Sam put on a condom, knowing he wouldn't like the idea of being father to a half-demon child, but it escaped her when she felt him so hard and yearning against her.

Sam usually tried his best to be slow and gentle when he entered her, otherwise it hurt like hell, but Ruby wanted it to hurt, and Sam needed her, so she didn't stop him or beg for him to slow down as he arched up into her, big arms so tight around her she couldn't escape. He felt huge and delicious inside her, stinging and sore at first. When he was about halfway in her he rested her back down on the bed, and moaned, forehead against hers, mouth so close, as he pulled her towards him, sheathing himself the rest of the way. It hadn't been fast and brutal, but each motion had been full of aching need. Ruby was moaning from it, Sam's hot breath mixing with hers, bodies together.

The thrusts were amazing - powerful, emotional. Sam was putting all of himself into her, giving himself to her, doing it with all he had, and Ruby took it. She took him in and held him, crying out for his ears alone. They didn't kiss, were too enamored with each other's voices. Sam sounded so breathy and rough, pleasure taking hold of him, and it was a joy to hear.

Ruby liked making Sam this way, liked the way his hands nearly bruised her, the way every inch of his cock beat at her where she needed him most, liked how full she felt because of him. She was too full, to the point where she nearly couldn't take it, and that's where Ruby found her bliss, right at the edge of pain and fear. He went at her hard and fast and her body was tight against his, tingling and burning, so wet from this near-brutal treatment.

Then, Sam did kiss her, tongue immediately entering her open mouth, thrusts slow now, deep, and even. It had her wrapping her legs around him, as high as they could go, as she tangled her hands in his sweaty hair, crying out into his mouth. He ran a hand down her body, grabbing her ass, making pleasure surge forward into her pelvis in a dizzying rush, and he pulled her against him, having her arch upwards. And then she shuddered with the next rock of his hips; he'd found that wonderfully sensitive spot inside of her, cock sliding against it, putting the perfect amount of pressure.

Ruby found herself unable to kiss back, head tilted back as far as it would go, mouth open, eyes squeezed shut. And still Sam went after her mouth, growling his pleasure at her when he wasn't tasting and licking and sucking.

His hips were flush against her, and then he kept pushing, trying to reach even deeper. She felt a delicious soreness in her when he did, and she almost lost her grip on him entirely, legs trembling around him as she let out a cry.

Then Sam was pulling out of her, and if not for the heat in his hazel eyes telling her he wasn't finished she would've jumped him to get what she wanted, to reach satisfaction with that amazing cock of his.

"On your stomach," he told her as he broke away from their embrace. "Legs together, hands up by your head."

Ruby smirked at him, already imagining what position they'd end up in. Sam could be very creative when he wanted to be, but now it was just about fulfillment, not so much intimacy. He was figuring the best way to really go at her, and that was all Ruby wanted at the moment.

She did as he said and he straddled her, imposing, muscular body over her, trapping her. Once he was in her again, the pressure against her insides even more immense than before, making her writhe beneath him, nearly trying to get away, he leaned over, looping his arms beneath hers, fingers intertwining with her own.

Ruby bit the pillow so she wouldn't moan too loudly as Sam began to take her again. He groaned, hips beating against her, their skin slapping together. And oh, how she felt inside. Sam made her more wet than most people could; she was so hot and craving all that he could give her.

This was part of the reason Ruby loved Sam. He let himself go when he was with her. She saw who he really was, strong, and commanding, but still in need of another person by his side. And she could be that person once all this was over. She just had to convince him that what she had done was for the best. But would he believe her? She'd been trying to darken him, to make him more like her, and he was hopelessly caught and entangled in her trap for the moment. But she saw good in him too. Good that frightened her, that made her think she would lose him.

Ruby didn't want to lose him.

She cared about him, wanted him to live without pain or judgement from those around him, wanted him to be happy. And he was with her. She gave him what he needed.

Sam leaned over her, mouth against her ear, and she yearned for more of his skin, wanted to feel his sweat-slicked torso flush against her back, but it was impossible to move. She wasn't trapped, not with her superior strength, but why end what felt so good? She needed Sam too much to find the power to get him to stop so they could finish undressing.

He wasn't hitting that wonderful spot inside of her, but Ruby didn't care. She enjoyed the power of his thrusts, enjoyed knowing that the body she was in was making him feel good. He was so hot within her, nearly burning, and his legs against her own sent tingles through her. Sam was sucking on her ear now, and she tilted her head to give him better access, hands clenching tight around his.

Sam slowed his thrusts drastically, but went at her even harder, making her whine each time he fully penetrated her. Whenever he nearly pulled out of her she was left quivering with anticipation, panting heavily, and then he would slam his hips forward.

Sam's mouth began to explore her jaw and the side of her neck, sucking red marks against her skin that would soon fade.

After one particular thrust he just rested in her, breathing heavily now, flushed cheek against her own. He released one of her hands and Ruby reached up to caress him, running a hand through his hair.

"God, I missed you," he breathed.

"God had nothing to do with it."

"Ruby…" Sam began before trailing off, the utterance of her name filled with profound pain.

She pressed herself back against him, a sign for him to get off of her, and he did so, lying on his side, pulling her close, placing one of her legs over his hips, and then his arms were around her, head resting against her breasts. Ruby held him to her, fingers stroking through his hair.

"It's okay, Sam. It's just us right now. Just us. You're okay."

He groaned, maybe in emotional distress, maybe from not being inside her, and then he kissed her just above where her skin disappeared under her clothing. He dragged his mouth higher, Ruby relaxing her hold to let him do so. They kissed, his lips wonderfully soft and hungry against her own. And Ruby trailed her hand over his body, felt the quivering in his abdomen, and began to pump his slickened cock. He arched against her, a shaky breath leaving him as their lips parted. His eyes were closed, and his cheeks were a gorgeous red. His mouth was open and Ruby took advantage of that, slipping her tongue inside, letting him know that she was there with him, that she wanted him as he was, as Sam, whatever form that took, whether it was the man sickened from withdrawal, or the man filled with her blood; maybe even the man who was compassionate in the face of evil.

She pulled back, and told him, "Look at me. Sammy, look at me."

He opened his eyes, and in them she saw how good she made him feel, she saw arousal and lust, vulnerability, the desire to be in this moment forever. She thought maybe she saw love as well.

But their love wasn't sweet. It was volatile and violent, born of pain and need and the sin that had tarnished Sam since he was six months old. So it was no surprise that after Ruby ran her thumb over Sam's slit, making his cock twitch, that something fierce blazed in his eyes, and he grabbed her, forcing her to face away from him. He held one of her legs up as he entered her, and she reached back with shaking hands to hold onto him. Once he was comfortably in her he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and his other hand went to her clit, fingers working feverishly over her sensitive flesh.

Ruby clutched him, nails digging into his skin, as he fucked her. Already her hips were moving against him, some small part of her wanting him to stop because she couldn't take it, but she wanted more of him. More and more, till she lost herself to him.

Bliss was overtaking her core, making her tense and tremble in his arms, and he went at her with more vigor, fingers working her perfectly.

Sam stuck one of his legs in between hers, keeping them open, as they began to close, and the vulnerability of it was enough to get her over the edge. She clenched her jaw against a cry as she came. He buried himself deep within her, hand against her lower abdomen now, holding her twitching and clenching body steady. He kissed her cheek, mouth gentle when compared to the pleasure taking hold of her. Ruby eventually couldn't hold her voice back, a long, drawn out moan leaving her; he just felt so big inside her, that feeling intensifying whenever her walls clenched around him.

Before her body even relaxed he slowly rocked his hips against her, cock sliding against her insides that seemed to be begging for more, and his fingers found her clit again. Sam didn't show mercy with his hand. He worked her fervently, making her cry out and unintentionally arch her body away from him, which only brought her hips back against him. The pleasure wasn't in waves. It was in violent, shuddering trails, her nerves being attacked by it. She felt deep pressure in her lower abdomen and pelvis from it, and she tried to relax, to breathe through it. A fever took her, and she could barely stand it as Sam went at her more forcefully now.

She found herself murmuring his name, begging, pleading, needing him to know just how good he made her feel.

Her climax ended, but oh, she was so sensitive now. So wonderfully sensitive, and she was tensing and growling and clawing, some part of her trying to get away.

It was no surprise when in less than a minute she was coming again.

Sam growled in her ear, and his roughened voice shot arousal through her in such a fury she grew light-headed. Instead of slowing and stopping this time he still went at her, hips rocking at a quicker and quicker pace.

"Fuck, I wanna cum in you," he got out in a rush before his words were stolen by pleasure.

Despite how she was fighting him, nerves alight and screaming, she found the ability to speak, lies, always more lies: "You… can! It's okay. I can't… I can't…"

He clearly understood what she was trying to say because he didn't stop, and Ruby felt guilty, but she needed him. She needed to feel the epitome of their connection, needed that final culmination of their sharing of each other.

Sam cried out against her before he reached his head down, biting her shoulder till she'd bruise, and he held her tightly against him, hips thrusting impossibly hard. He was hot and throbbing within her, and she felt his cum, burning at first, sticky, and wet. To her darkened mind, it reminded her of blood, and there was something so satisfying about that.

He rocked into her for a few more seconds, cock not softening just yet, and she felt his entire body tremble, a muffled groan leaving him.

Sam stilled against her, lips now kissing the red marks he'd left on her shoulder. They were breathing heavily, Ruby's body still gently trying to milk him for more, and then he pulled out of her. She turned to face him, and smiled, hand against his face, thumb stroking over his cheekbone.

Quite often, Sam could go another round, but after the treatment he'd gone through before seeing her he seemed utterly spent.

And there was still more to come.

But Ruby didn't begin to tell her lies or weave her manipulations just yet.

She kept her mouth shut because she wanted to tell the truth, wanted to tell him she loved him.

She tried to show him with her eyes, and there was recognition in his own, affection, maybe even love that he returned.

Ruby kissed him to keep herself quiet, wanting to stay in this moment, wanting to stay with him, keeping the world and the looming Apocalypse away from him for just a little longer.

And her kiss also served as an apology because even after everything she was going to betray him. She had to. And she just had to hope he'd forgive her.


End file.
